MEMORY: elaine.

[alcahest]

IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN YOU WHO DIED, INSTEAD OF MAMA...!

(This is the story of a girl.
How the girl who rots and melts everything she touched
became known as a monster.)


—This takes place two years ago.
The mansion in Wales.
That's where I wake up.
I have no memory from before this...
But, for some reason I understand that this is my home.
No one lives in the mansion aside from me.

There is a letter in one of the rooms.
It's a letter from Father.
My dear, dear father.
My loving father, who is the only thing that remains of my lost memories.
When I read the letter, it's almost as if I can hear his voice.

ISAAC

Cardia, my beloved daughter;
If you are reading this, then you have awakened from your long sleep.

ISAAC

I hope you can forgive me for leaving you alone. There is something I must do.

ISAAC

I want you to remain in this mansion and wait for my return.

ISAAC

You must not leave this mansion. You need to stay here.

ISAAC

The outside world is filled with danger and sadness. I don't want you to know such things.

ISAAC

I promise, I will come back for you.
Please stay in this mansion, my dear girl, who I love most in all the world.

He promised me in that letter.
I never doubt it.
It isn't an emotional decision; I merely accept it as truth.
Thinking back, the way I felt and thought about the world...
My feelings were so much dimmer back then.
For a while, I spend my days alone in the mansion.
I have everything I need.
But... One day...

I hear voices. Playful voices, from children who live outside the mansion.
They say that the mansion is haunted, and that they're going to have an adventure and explore it.
The children sound like they're having so much fun...
I have the urge to see them, and I make the mistake of going outside.

CARDIA

Oh...

I just went out for a peek, but one of the children catches sight of me, and they all run off.
I notice that one of the children has dropped a doll.

CARDIA

Oh, w-wait...!

I run after the children.
I want to tell them about the doll, and I probably want to hear more...
More of their voices.

I chase after the children, out of the forest, and onto a wide country road.
There are a few people here, and they look at me in surprise.
One of the children pokes his head out from behind an adult, and says that I came out of the haunted mansion...

CARDIA

Um, I...

I work up the courage to speak to them.
But...

Monster...

CARDIA

Ah...!

I feel a sudden jolt of pain, and realise that someone had hit me with a rock.
It takes me a while to comprehend why they would do such a thing.
I see they're all staring at something, and I follow their gaze to find the answer.
My feet...
I was too caught up in chasing after the children, and I hadn't noticed when I'd lost a shoe when tripping over a tree root.
I felt no pain, and didn't think I needed it. Now I knew why I should have gone back.
Rocks, grass, flowers... Everything I'd stepped on had been turned into a dark, mud-like mush by my poison.

—She's a monster.
—The embodiment of evil.
—The drought's her fault!
—Monster.

They continue to shout at me with a terrifying gleam in their eyes.
—Grab her! Take her to the priest!
One man reaches for my face, his face twisted with rage.
Then, with a scream and a flash of blood-scented steam, his skin burns and begins to melt away.

CARDIA

...!

Alarmed, I start to run back the way I came.
I run with all my might.
I must have run for half a day...
But no matter how far I go, the plants in my path all die, so it's completely obvious which way I've gone.
I had run in a different direction from the way back to the mansion.
I didn't have any plan in mind, and was simply running as hard as I could, when—

???

Whoa!

I see a woman. It looks like she's picking medicinal herbs in the forest.

???

Oh, you surprised me. Where did you come from? I haven't seen you around before.

As she speaks, the plants around me continue to wither.
I sense that she's noticing it, and try to flee once more.

???

W-Wait a moment!
Your foot is bleeding!

CARDIA

Huh?! ... Stay away!

I stopped her just in time, before she could reach for my bare foot.
I recall what happened to the man earlier, and glare at the woman, hoping to threaten her into leaving me alone.

???

...

Even as I stand there, the ground beneath me gives off faint steam as it continues to rot from my poison.
I slowly back away, sliding my feet along the ground.
I don't turn and run, because I feel that I shouldn't let her out of my sight.

???

... Wait.

However, the woman in front of me doesn't show any indication of chasing me. Instead, she quietly calls out to me.

???

You're in trouble, aren't you?
... I can keep you safe. Come with me, to my home.

CARDIA

Why...?

???

It's simple. You're being chased by someone. I can't turn a blind eye to that.

ELAINE

My name is Elaine. I live out here in the forest, picking herbs.

ELAINE

Hmm... All right, let's go across the rocks. You'll be found in no time if you leave a trail of dead grass.

CARDIA

But...

ELAINE

You want to get away, don't you?
Let me help you.

Elaine lived with a small child named Etty in a small cabin in the woods.
She made a living using the medicine from the surrounding area and selling it.
I decide to help her as much as I can, as a show of thanks for helping me.
In the beginning, it's difficult to get by because I had lost my shoe, but Elaine found it for me in the forest.
My first plan is to return to the mansion once the villagers have given up on chasing me.
But...

One day, the local clergyman came to Elaine's home.

PRIEST

... Excuse me. Have you seen a young girl pass by here recently?

ELAINE

Aside from my daughter, I haven't seen any young girls.

PRIEST

I see. If you do see her, please let me know. That creature is not human.
It is an accursed monster.

—Monster.
I remember the feeling of the stone hitting me, and even in my hiding spot I flinch.

PRIEST

The monster caught us off-guard by taking the form of a young girl, and delivered a grave injury against a pious believer.

PRIEST

The drought continues, and the people are only getting worse off... The recent plague is likely the work of this beast as well.

PRIEST

It's all this monster's fault. If we can destroy it, surely everything will be set right again.

PRIEST

This must be a test from God. We must work up our courage and defeat it.

ELAINE

... A test from God, you say.

PRIEST

Yes. The monster will try to get you to trust it through nefarious means.
I urge you to be careful and have faith.

PRIEST

Those who open their hearts to the cursed monster will become cursed themselves...

With that, the man who called himself a clergyman leaves.

ELAINE

You can come out now.

Etty and I quietly come out of the shadows.

ETTY

Those people are scary...

CARDIA

Um...

ELAINE

I know, I know.
You don't need to worry about it.

ELAINE

There's been a drought recently. We're all having trouble getting enough food.
Now there's some epidemic going around.

ELAINE

Everyone wishes there was some simple thing to be blamed for all the recent misfortunes, but this isn't your fault.

CARDIA

... I... I am...

ELAINE

There's no need for you to tremble like that. You just stay right here.

CARDIA

B-But... isn't that going to cause problems for you?

ELAINE

You help me take care of Etty, don't you?
You also help me make the medicine. You can stay here as long as you wish.

ETTY

That's right! Stay here, with us!

I'm so happy they've accepted me. It's the first time someone has ever looked out for me—protected me—since I woke up.
I love seeing the expression on Elaine's face when she puts Etty to sleep.
Hearing her sing a lullaby stirs something like an emotion in my heart.
My promise to Father is still important to me, of course, but—

CARDIA

... I'm sorry, Father.

I can't go back to the mansion now.
I have to stay with these people.
If I leave, I'll be captured.
—That's what I tell myself.
Staying with them made me happy.

Another month passes by...

PRIEST

Just as I'd thought. The monster's lair is poorly constructed.
... It burns well.

CARDIA

Our home...

ETTY

Mama, I'm scared...

ELAINE

It's all right, it's all right...

ELAINE

All of you, what's the meaning of this?!

Elaine shouts at the men who surround us.
They had found me.

PRIEST

I warned you before. Those who become corrupted by the monster's influence become monsters themselves.

PRIEST

God has no mercy for you. Neither will we, his disciples.

VILLAGER #1

You monster! Show yourself!

They release the hunting dogs they had brought, and they bound forward, snarling.
Elaine and Etty quiver in fear as the sharp fangs grow closer. I quickly step forward to protect them.

CARDIA

Stop...! Go away!

The dog's teeth close over my flesh.
However—

VILLAGER #2

Wh-What's happening to the dogs?
She's melted their heads?!

VILLAGER #3

She truly is a monster! She's behind everything that's happened to us! The drought, the starvation, all of it!

VILLAGER #2

How could you...?!
How could you ruin all the wheat we've worked so hard to grow!

CARDIA

It's my fault...?

CARDIA

Is it because... I'm a monster...?

VILLAGER #1

Of course, you fiend!
You'll pay for this with your life!

Someone hits me with a thrown stone.
But the words they throw at me hurt me even more.

VILLAGER #2

You were sent by the devil!

Someone else throws another rock.
But instead of hitting me—
It hits Elaine's face as she steps forward.

CARDIA

Elaine...!

ELAINE

You need to stop this!

She doesn't even bother to wipe the blood streaming from her brow as she continues.

ELAINE

Have you lost your minds?! Calling this young girl a monster! Throwing stones at her and accusing her!

ELAINE

Yes, she's different! She has a strange power the rest of us don't have!
So? What's the matter with that?!

ELAINE

How can she be a monster?
If she truly was a creature of evil, she would have killed you all on the spot!

ELAINE

Do you honestly believe that this kind girl is a monster that caused all the misfortune you people have suffered?!

The villagers seem to be taken aback by Elaine's harsh questions, and a bit unsure of themselves.

PRIEST

Fine... This is how we will handle you.

PRIEST

You will be imprisoned in a cave for 13 days. The monster will be sure to show its true form during that time and kill you.

PRIEST

If she doesn't... we will admit our mistake and promise to accept this monster into our community.

PRIEST

However, if we discover that it has killed you, we will kill the monster as well.

ELAINE

... Fine.
But not my daughter. Just me.

PRIEST

Hmph... Very well.

Although Etty protests, she is told to go to a nearby village to stay with relatives, and we promise we'll come back for her.
After that, Elaine and I are imprisoned in a dark cave.
The cramped, damp cave is strangely cold, and being inside unsettles me.

CARDIA

I'm sorry, Elaine, this is all my fault.

ELAINE

It's fine. You've done nothing wrong.
And these folks probably aren't bad people...

ELAINE

When we need to place blame on something, it's because the world isn't working the way we would like it to.

CARDIA

...

ELAINE

It's only thirteen days. We have food and water, too. If we stretch it, we'll get through this. Right?

Elaine tries to lift my spirits.
She's probably worried about Etty, but she doesn't show any sign of it.
I feel bad, but in a way it makes me happy to have someone care about me this much.

Elaine told me many things about her life.
The secrets of collecting herbs, and how to make traditional medicines with them.
How to prepare tasty meals.
When she first met her lover.
Her marriage.
Etty's birth.
The death of her husband.
Meeting me—
As she tells me all this, her words flow on and on, as if she's looking back on her entire life in order to tell me about her.
She talks all morning, noon and night, though it's hard to tell the time in the constant darkness of the cave.
Thirteen days seems like a vast, never-ending span of time.
However, time keeps moving, whether we want it to or not.

It was time that ate away at Elaine's body.

ELAINE

*cough* *cough*

CARDIA

... What's the matter, Elaine?

ELAINE

Mm... It's nothing.

Her voice sounds strained.
She speaks less and less, and her coughing fits are more often.

CARDIA

Could it be...?

The reason was obvious.
The poison within me is powerful enough to kill grass and flowers around me just by standing on them.
Elaine has been trapped in an enclosed space with me for days and days.
Her body is gradually withering away because of the poison buildup in the air.

CARDIA

Elaine, it's my poison that's doing this to you...!

ELAINE

It's fine. It's not the poison.
It's my own illness. It has to be.

It can't be.
She was so full of life until we were sealed in this cave together.
The woman in front of me almost looks like an entirely different person.

ELAINE

Let's just stay put, all right...?
When they let us out, I'm going to laugh and tell them nothing happened.

I'm moved by her frail smile.
Is this how she's going to die?
I feel the fear spreading within my heart.
I raise my voice and begin to pound against the large stone blocking the exit.

CARDIA

Let us out! Let us out of here!
It's Elaine! She's going to die!

But nothing changes.
It's a very large rock...
Perhaps they can't even hear my voice.

CARDIA

...!

I quickly take my gloves off and press my bare hands against the stone.
My poison destroys everything. I should be able to melt through this rock and get outside.
I press my hands harder and harder, scraping away the melting stone, slowly gouging a way through the barrier.

CARDIA

Hang in there, Elaine...!
I'm going to save you, I promise!

ELAINE

*cough* *wheeze*

She sounds so weak...
I want to help, but I can't approach her because the very thing killing her is coming from my own body.
The darkness seems much thicker and more overpowering than when we were first imprisoned in the cave.

ELAINE

...

Her breathing becomes ragged, and sounds unbelievably frail.
I'm not going to make it in time.
When this thought hits me, I feel faint.
I lean on the wall and slide to the floor.

CARDIA

Elaine, I'm so sorry.
It's... It's all my fault.

ELAINE

Don't cry, Cardia...

ELAINE

It'll all be over... soon.
Just hang in there a little longer...
The rock might still break.

ELAINE

... I'm fine.

CARDIA

But...!

There's no way to save her.
I'm not going to make it.
She's going to die, and it's all because of me...

ELAINE

... It's all right. We'll all leave here and live happily together, like before...
You, me, and Etty.

CARDIA

Elaine...

I stand up and place my hands on the rock again. The stone slowly crumbles away...
Too slowly...
I don't know how much time passes.
Elaine is barely breathing.

CARDIA

...!

ELAINE

Please... I want to ask a favour of you.

I don't want to hear it.
I know just from her tone of voice that she's going to force me to accept the worst possible outcome.

CARDIA

...!

ELAINE

Where our home burned down...
There's a storeroom in the basement.
There's a... notebook there...

I don't want to hear it... Don't tell me!
My hands are shaking, and I can't scrape away at the rock very well.

ELAINE

It's an important book on the study of herbs that my mother passed down to me.

I slam my hands against the rock in hatred.
Why!
Why won't it crumble faster?!
Right now, behind me—
Someone important to me is dying, and I'm the killer.

ELAINE

Make sure Etty gets it, will you...?
With that, she'll probably be able... to live... on her own...

The rock isn't melting fast enough.
I've been punching the rock over and over, and my fist is covered in my own blood.
Faster.
Faster faster faster faster faster faster.
I wish so hard...
But the rock continues melting ever-so-slowly, as if to mock me.
Then—

CARDIA

Please... Just break through already!

I put my entire body into the next punch, and suddenly light pours in.
A blinding white world...
I can tell that the dirty, contaminated air is leaving through the hole.

CARDIA

Elaine, look!
There's light!
Elaine, finally...!

......
...

CARDIA

Elaine?

I turn around.
Elaine is smiling, her eyes closed, looking as if she is asleep.

CARDIA

Elaine, why won't you wake up...

My eyes fill with tears.

CARDIA

Wake up!
Wake up, Elaine!

She died because of my poison.
She died... because I am a monster.
If only she hadn't accepted me, she could have lived so much longer, in that house with Etty...

After that—I escape from the cave, and head off to grant Elaine's final wish.
I get the book and go to the village that Etty has gone to. I wait until she is completely alone before I approach her.
I tell her everything that happened.

ETTY

...

Etty takes the book, and responds in a cold tone that I have never heard from her before.

ETTY

You monster...

ETTY

It should have been you who died, instead of Mama...!

I don't remember much after that.
When I woke up, I was back at the mansion.
I'll never leave this place again, or allow myself to get involved with anyone else...
I will kill off my emotions and live an empty, harmless life, like a doll.
Because a monster needs to live alone...
... That's why...
......
...